Every day is a fight

Archive for August 2011

How much is the fish?

August 31, 2011

Music: Behnam Safavi. Again. I’ve listened to that really a lot lately. Everytime I sit here I listen to this cd at least once. Have to get the lyrics somewhere, I love to sing in languages I don’t speak or understand, like japanese or arabian. On my desktop there that small window on sidebar with […]

Liquid love

August 27, 2011

Few reasons why my life’s unbearable right now. 1. I hate food. I eat it and feel sick, but can’t throw up, and still end up eating more of it, until I sit on the bathroom floor choking in it and feeling more ill than ever in my life. Then I get up, eat some […]

Holy crap, where does this come from??

August 23, 2011

Every goddamn evening the same. After 6pm it starts and lasts til I fall asleep or the pills work. Often they just don’t. I take the extra K25’s now every day 2-3 times, mostly 2 in the evening starting with 1 around 6-7pm and the next after 9pm as result of the first one not […]


August 18, 2011

To my very surprise the medicin I took four hours ago works and makes me feel more clear. I took a second one too to make sure I stay sane tonight. Well, as much of it as possible for the insane me.. :P But my thinking is more rational again, I can concentrate on things […]

Center of your attention

August 16, 2011

That was only illusion. I think. I still feel unreal. Those five days “fun and activity”. I have the feeling only half of me was alive. I lied a lot. Or better, didn’t tell the truth about my opinions or symptoms. I still told WHY I will have to eat these pills. Because if I […]


August 8, 2011

Internet is a great place. Don’t have to use your real name. In real life it’s tattooed on your forehead and tongue and your hands will write it automatically – if they do. It was a real challenge to get my name on the swimming group list today. To write my name. I have hated […]


August 6, 2011

Have been feeling awful again. And tired, awful tired. On Thursday I broke the house rules by drinking a small bottle of rosé wine (makes two glases). It was tasty, but didn’t really help against my cold and being tired. It got worse. Then sleeping for 13,5 hours didn’t bring much either, and because I […]


August 4, 2011

Behind the bars of eating disorder. This is getting worse and worse all the time. Like I had no control over me anymore. Had to eat, so I ate, and something sweet too even when already the noodles brought a really bad feeling in my mouth and body. After all that I went to toilet […]

Sitting here, sipping my tea

August 1, 2011

On Friday I bought a new tea mug. From Tokyokan, the japanese shop in Helsinki. I go there often and always buy something. This time long chopsticks for cooking, Hello Kitty chopsticks, this mug and Melon candy. The package of the Hello Kitty chopsticks says it’s meant to be sold in Japan only. But they […]