Every day is a fight

Old stuff, beware


Thought I’d post a couple of old pics.

Was in school today, wanted to leave after lunch but was kinda forced to stay cause our cooking teacher said there’s a special gluten free dessert for me and I can make my own vegetable pie out of gluten free flour. At lunchtime I was feeling really bad and just wanted to get out of the building. Tried my best to eat properly, managed half of what I took on my plate. It was OK, quite tasty even, I was really hungry. Just could not finish. In class it was OK too and time went by without feeling like “must get out”. Everyone was busy with their stuff and we watched each others work and talked.

I noticed again, in table after getting food ready and after eating, that I’m almost the one talking most. I can talk about anything. Whatever the topic I almost always know something about it, and I like to lead the conversation. I really TRY my best to leave others space too, ask them their opinion and have a friendly tone. I’m often too aggressive in conversation which makes others all shut up and draw into their shell, and I’m trying – every time I notice it – to not do that.

My pie (they are here without the covering sheet of dough, just left open and can be filled with anything salty or sweet, and usually have an egg and sour cream or milk or cream or fresh cheese filling to bind everything together and which bakes nice brown on top) had small pieces of red pepper, two tomatoes in small pieces, fresh parsley hacked and black olives. Above all a mixture of eggs, sour cream, some cheese and black pepper. Plus a little bit of cheese on the top. Delicious! I can have the rest tomorrow when we also have cooking lessons, and take some home.

It’s rare that I manage to make a whole school day. Yesterday I just slept, felt so sick. This year I have been more out than in school, have had no motivation and no energy. And been sick and then there was that breakdown.

Well this about school was only to cover the pics from being visible at first sight, so those who don’t want to see can read the text carefully and skip the rest. :)

The first is photoshopped to make the dried blood look like fresh. Could not scan it fresh, and the text is added several weeks after too. I could say this is ketchup or anything, but to be true it’s real blood. My blood. This is from 2004.

And the second pic I wanted to add is where that blood came from. This was not only 2004, it’s been my reality all the way since 2002 and will most likely never go away. The pic is a very bad webcam shot and it has been photoshopped to give it an “unreal” touch. I gave it the name UNBREAKABLE. That’s where I have these big scars from.

Welcome to the MADHOUSE.

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