Every day is a fight

i want to disappear

pain and fear in my heart. i have no soul left. dreams are no escape. sleep doesn’t bring peace. a person important to me deleted his Facebook account. i’ve got no email, nothing to find him again. he was the other reason to stay there. now only one is left, and i’m not sure if that’s enough.

what if i would disappear? would anyone miss me? i doubt. if you’re not some sort of famous person nobody cares.

i wanna die

it’s dark outside. i don’t know what there’s left to keep me hanging onto life.

… all the time before, when living alone here, i have not felt this lonely. some asshole rated my newest youtube vid down, and i wrote an angry comment there threatening to kill that little prick. …i just think i have not earned this shit. why is this happening to me, why now??? i tried to be happy and social, laugh, hide my tears, be friendly towards my people, and then i’m just abandoned. WHY???

you know, this, this emptiness, this despair, pain, fear, loneliness; THIS IS WHERE THE BLOODLUST IS BORN. no doubt there will be the day when the barrel of that gun is pointing you in the face, you see the knife, and you can be sure you made the front page of the newspapers the next day.

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