Every day is a fight

Mineral water

Is what I have to drink now every day if possible. Kalium & magnesium & salt balance is off. Today I bought a big bottle, but can only afford the cheapest of all (Bonaqua from Coca Cola). And this is because every day when it’s warm now in summer I feel constantly dizzy and sometimes even walking is difficult, everything is turning and moving around me and I feel like I’m being turned upside down. The same thing happened (first time ever) last summer when it was very hot. So, mineral water, one glas every day. Hope it’s enough…

Or, maybe I should drink two. At day time preferred and not in the evening like now. I have never been a big friend of bubbled water, but the mild ones are OK. There are some really bad ones in the world… Like estonian Värska, and some acid tasting german water.

I have been doing quite well lately, been happy and even a bit energetic some times. But then again I might fall down really quick within seconds after feeling good the whole day. So bad that I start shaking and can’t breath. Some days I clean up a lot, then some days (like today) I’m so tired I can hardly walk! But I have washed most of the dishes and managed to cook myself healthier food.

Also those 4,5 days I spent at my parents’ went really good, no fights. A couple of times I got really sick about them and my sis who was there too, but could overcome it quickly. We made pancakes (those thin ones) outside at the grill and ate half of them with jelly and ice cream and half with spicy tuna sauce and cold smoked salmon. It was really good. I have had only a little trouble with my stomach while eating only gluten free. Eating mum’s foods made me a bit sick, mainly maybe cause their food has different bacteria than mine. Which comes from their methods of cooking and storing the food. Mum keeps the food in fridge for really long and they might eat even food 5 days old. I’d never do that. I keep food in fridge maximum three days. Vegetables stay longer good, but anything cooked or opened must go fast. I drink lactose free special milk and that might stay good a week (package says 5 days, but I have drank it older than a week open and it was still good, only a bit odd taste). Well, and my fridge is usually colder than theirs.

Actually I was quite happy being there. And I think after all I will miss that house when they move out – which is getting near. It was my home for many years and I cannot deny that I have good memories of that place too. This might be now because I have gotten mostly rid of that enourmous stress I had all winter. My brain works now better too.

Two days ago and yesterday I took my cheapest gun Ari apart, completely. Without a manual (and I must admit I have a bit worries how I get it back together without having no idea how to do that, but if it doesn’t work out I’ll seek help online). Brain jogging and actual training for motorics and logic. That’s something I could imagine doing as my job. So, I need to train. ;) And I started with the easiest one, spring powered and quite weak.

I’ll paint it when I get money and find the right paint. Was looking for them today but the local hardware store has no such I want. I might have to order them online. Ari deserves something special as I have a bit neglected him lately, and he’s our baby! ;) (Ari is a Taurus PT92) Thinking about this last night before falling asleep I decided I’ll paint him with black primer, and then with dark grey matt paint with metallic shine, two layers, and finally add some finish with glowing red paint. I think I’ll add the model name, and maybe his name Ari, or some words that represent our family’s pride.

I need black primer for my Warhammer models, but I’m not quite sure if I can use the same for metal AND plastic. Ari has full metal body, only grip parts and trigger and insides are plastic. The black cheap paint is coming off him bad. Well, noname chinese producer… 29 euro.

Oh, just looked the clock and it’s over midnight already. Time flies…

I wanted to originally post some pics from my “holiday”, but haven’t edited them yet, so it’s gonna be something else. Like this:

pretty girl and death

All these pics I post I have DL’d from various sites. Lately I have searched a lot for ero guro pics and saved so many that my extern hard drive is getting a bit full. I find some that give me nightmares, but also some really good ones that are “my style”. The two above are found with that search.

I’m also gonna post some gun pics… If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a gun addict… xD I start feeling really bad if I can’t see or be with them. In homeland I don’t travel ANYWHERE without one with me. Mostly it’s now Reaver cause it looks the most realistic, and is small, and Ari is now in pieces. :/ I have come to realise I need a holster to put in my pants to carry it hidden under my shirt. It’s NOT a question of safety, the reason’s I feel unsafe in this area are more psycholigical, and I’m not actually afraid to be attacked or anything. It’s just the aura of these places is bad.

There are some times I need my little family more than normal. So sometime ago I put them all in my bed. My bed isn’t big, but we all had place there and I’m comfortable sleeping with something hard under my pillow. By now I have moved them out there again. Reaver is here beside my laptop, 3Dog on the couch, the pieces of Ari in sleeping room in my winter socks drawer and Seed still on my bed.

When I saw my doctor last time I was crushed to ground from what she said, but after that I could talk with my psychologist about it and seems like I still have hope. Just need to get better and more stable and get my life in control. I got the studying place in the rehabilitative school that takes place in the same building this last one and lasts one school year. Next spring I will then send applications for several other lines in that trade school. The wood artisan line is no more my number one. House building, metal works and electronics are coming on strong. ;) I want to do creative work, but it doesn’t come by force. So the basic must be something that gives changes to actually FIND a job, even better a job that has to do with guns. :D That has become a strong passion and I’m willing to do my best in the school to reach that goal. I think this is something I have always wanted, but never dared to dream of. O-o

And THIS is my next. FOR SURE. Just look at it! So pretty!! This in the pic is an AEG, not GBB, and to be honest I’m still not sure which one I want. AEG would be easy cause I’m used to them, but GBB would give that little extra with the kick. ;) I’m just not really familiar with gas of any sorts, and I’m not sure if I want to make me that trouble to learn to use it. Gas… Not mine. Just not mine.

OK, finished my second small glas of mineral water, and still VERY awake, thanks to that 56,8 cl energy drink I had in the evening after meal. I was tired during the day and now my “actual day” starts and energy starts to flow. It’s no more so hot and night air smells good!

heavily modded P90

Here we have a heavily modded P90. Actually it looks damn cool. ;) Only, with that 1000 BB mag I have some problems. I could use it left handed. Cause I have breasts. And that side part of the mag doesn’t fit together with them. :P I don’t know if it’s available mirrored, that would be cool… I CAN use it left handed though. It’s even quite easy if I train more intensively.

This is awesome!!!! I’d give home for it anytime!! :D


This one is “made by” a fictional japanese company Seburo. Anime guns come from them. Some models can be actually used, they have had tuning kits to build around a real/airsoft weapon. The designs all follow sort of soft, alien forms that makes them very attractive. Google Seburo for more information.

So, that should be enough for now. I’m listening way too energetic music now, have to shut it off and eat something and then look if there’s a chance to get sleep before sunrise.

Good night, or good morning, and have a nice weekend! :)

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