Every day is a fight

Avoiding encounter [Fallout New Vegas spoiler alert]

I had to encounter some of my worst fears today, but I couldn’t. I turned and walked away. I can’t fucking go into that place!! I die of shock if I do!! So what if it’s only in game and just pixels on screen, it’s horrendous!! Plants are NOT pretty, not when they are mutated, try to kill you and mixed with giant ugly mushrooms. I’m not going into that damn place. And I have no idea when if at all I actually CAN do that. I just start feeling really awful when I have to think about doing that mission. The vault 22. Fuck it. It’s not about the place or the ghouls that I know are in there too. It’s those plants. I almost start crying when I think I have to do those two quests if I want to get further without missing a giant part of the game. Damn it.

On Friday I should get money and then I need to go buy some things, like sleeping pills, get more Thyroxin, buy new headphones cause my old ones broke, buy headphones with mic for the computer, buy a game or maybe two, buy food, look for some stuff I’m not able to buy yet and check a couple of stores I haven’t been in yet.

Now I’m on a forced break cause the game crashed after graphic card overheating and I can’t continue until tomorrow. If I start it again it crashes in less than a minute again. Today was the creative group meeting again and we started  a “life line” on thick paper. It begins from birth and goes on til today and should include future dreams and wishes and things we like. I have to find a way to show things I like without people getting scared of me, and that means leaving out all the important things. :'( I can’t even refer to my family as important cause the people would immediately think about my biological family and I don’t want to give them a wrong unrealistic impression of myself. I still feel I’m fucked up as long as I have to live in this rathole, and yesterday I had to face yet another problem about being here – my medication being taken away from me to the office and kept there to “make sure I have enough of them and take my pills”. It’s a plain torture. The person I talked with could not understand my point. It’s useless trying to explain when they have such a strong faith in that THEY are doing the right thing. They just don’t get it. They say it’s help and why I’m not willing to accept help, but they are completely blind to what that causes in my life. It takes away part of my independence and my own will.

Maru is crying, have to check his toilet and give new food.

So it’s stress in my life even when playing the game helps a lot against it. It’s so much fun to kill creatures and especially people. To see them die and to take their gear and all they have with them. Looting, stealing and trading, upgrading my weapons and buying new ones. In the past 24 hours I have given up all energy weapons and bought a sniper rifle, mod for it, lots of ammo and a couple of new SMG’s. I found a hell lot of loot in one vault and I’m heading back there now as I have two companions to help me carry all the stuff. Just have to sell the previous loot first. I was doing it when the game crashed. I wish I don’t need to go back awfully much. Anyway, I might go back a leap and do one thing again and NOT fail that quest this time. I’ll make a friend and be able to take the loot and the new companion with me anyway. :) My cyber dog Rex is very powerful and energetic and I keep him in a long leash, he usually clears the path for me for he’s very aggressive towards all critters and the fiends. My new ghoul companion is not much worth of a fighter or a mule, but he keeps my stuff from falling apart so quickly. And he can carry enough. Him 200 (? not sure) pounds, me 270 and Rex 210. I usually have my companions carry secondary condition weapons and gear that I use to repair my better ones, and extra food and drinks. Often they also have to carry all the stuff that weighs much but brings in good money. Pack mules. but I try to be nice to them. At first I had one woman as companion who I had to leave after getting too evil (she started to nag about my ways – them being stealing and killing – so I kicked her out), and then a man whom I left too cause I sided with his greatest enemy for a while (it’s good he said he’ll start shooting at the legion if we go any closer, I would have brought myself into a great trouble with him continuing to travel with me, so we parted ways in friendly manner). I changed sides back though, or better I chose to be the nice guy after all. ;)

The legion insulted me, and they will have to pay for that. The Caesar is OK, he’s a good guy, but he’s unfortunately surrounded by total jerks. I don’t like the NCR douchebags either but they are easier to push around and can supply me with chems and ammo, and even the ass-sucking service rifle beats a fucking spear! The legion has fine ideals, but the Caesar has no power over his subordinates who would like to have his head on a plate, and as I said, they are jerks. You only insult me a certain amount of times and when there’s no profit behind the insults I’m gone. I killed Mr. House but not because they wanted me to. I wanted that ancient bitch ass dead. Sometimes I wish I had spared the securitron army for myself… Probably we will see that the next time. ;) Anyway, it was priceless to see that bitch Benny cruzified. Wonder how long it takes until he dies… ;D

The next thing after looting for money I guess is doing the “president job” at the Dam. Gotta keep him alive, there’s a good enough reason for that. After that we’re going shooting some turrets into Helios One and deciding where to with all the solar energy, and then powering up the Lucky 38 casino generator. Ever since I first time set my foot in Vegas I knew I’m gonna run this town one day. Now the day is in my reach, so close. And when it’s there I’m gonna do something I wanna do a longer time already: wipe the White Glove Society from the table. I tried all in my might to be nice and helpful, and what I get? Stupid comments about my looks, insults wrapped nicely in politeness and just plain rude talk. On my next visit I will not nicely give away all my weapons when entering. They will get what they deserve. Finally! In form of preferrably 9mm bullets out of my precious 9mm SMG. ;)

But now I need to shut off the computer so it has time to cool down til tomorrow. I’m going to read a bit and then sleep. Have a nice day tomorrow!

P.S. I play a male character. His name is Cole. I try to get a screencap of him some time. He looks cool. Like a savage, and I take that as a compliment!! ;D Unfortunately for some he’s not ladies’ man though… His 9mm SMG is his best friend and partner but occasionally he spends a night with a male prostitute just for the fun. ;D

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