Every day is a fight

Rainbow Country

Xuanlong Assault Rifle

Fallout just crashed again a bit less than an hour ago. Yesterday I finally got this weapon, the Xuanlong Assault Rifle, one of the unique weapons in the game. Xuanlong means black dragon. Screw it’s fragility, it’s still one of my favorite weapons along with “Little Moonbeam’s” 10mm SMG, combat shotgun and sniper rifle. Check out Fallout Wiki for more info.

For some reason unknown to me Steam client decided that Fallout 3 link no more exists in it. Just WTF Steam???!! It’s no Steam game but I could even add the pirate FarCry3! Why not FO3?

The title of this post is from a Bob Marley song. I should be making that one picture I got an idea for some days ago. But it will take a while and I’m too lazy to start yet. Let it breed a while. I’ve started to collect bottle caps, obviously for making them look like Nuka Cola caps and scattering them around my place to confuse visitors. Before the crash today I was in Nuka Cola bottling facility seeking for Quantum of Solace and the recipe for Clear to sell it to those raiders. We encountered some Nuka Lurks and too much enemy and too much shooting and sharp movements were too much for my graphic card. I think it’s the reason why the game crashes. Of course, I have not been able to update or install any mods so the game is glitchy and crashes naturally too, but especially in these kind of situations. But I don’t want to play with any lower quality settings! I didn’t get this new computer to play with Windows Vista settings!!

I let it rest a while, drink my tea and cook my dinner and continue then – or not. I would like to, but time is running out and I should get this place a bit more cleaned up til tomorrow. I wished to get Maru home tomorrow but not gonna happen if I don’t continue cleaning every free minute I have.


This mammoth is from Facebook, H&K page. ^^

It’s very much like summer now. Really warm, all snow is gone, wood anemones bloom everywhere, grass grows, bushes get green, some birches are light green too. Lots of pollen in the air. It’s a bit too dry for the plants, some good two days rain would be nice to clear off the dust. Yes, I miss Maru very much and would like to get him home, but before that I need to vacuum and clean out those places he peed in and it’s not complete cakewalk to get into those places, I need to clean out the whole floor first, bring out paper to recycle, sort out clothes, gather dishes and what’s left of trash, find places for magazines and comics and books. Sounds easy, what? But add some serious pain in the lower back and it takes a long time. Need to pause all movement and sit down every half an hour. At least it’s a bit better now and I’m using painkiller even when it’s bad for stomach, just to get this shit done. I wanted to bring Maru back home tomorrow cause I wanted to go for a little evening walk with him asap. Let him get used to going to the yard, or even forest! I’m sure he would love it, but he’s just so scared by every loud noise, and other people. I would love to bring him to the forest. Cause I love forest too. All the smells and wind in the trees. And when it’s warmed by sun. Lily of the valley will bloom very soon too.

… Again working as a messenger. Like always. People are too shy or uptight to ask each other (typical to my family and friends) so I’ll ask and mediate. Should start making this professionally. 10 euro for “small things” like simple info what which person is doing, 20-30 for sex requests and from 50 upwards for serious business like death of a relative and inheritance. I also charge retrospectively since 2010. Hahahahahaha I’ll be SOOOOOO rich!!!! Just made 30 euro for passing on a sex request! And I should be able to charge 200 euro from my dad for dealing with my uncle and comforting him after his wife passed away, but keeping my dad informed. I was the first person to tell him about her death, he had no clue. My family is still in shock. Well, they have always been really slow to move on. Dad is in panic that me and my siblings will get no inheritance from my uncle cause he now has “own” kids to take care of (and each of those have different dads), but I have never even considered the rare possibility to get inheritance from EVEN my mum or dad! I told it to them last week. Hoping it would make their stress less. I don’t wait to get any extras, I even count on having to spend lots of MY money clearing out the estate they leave when dad dies and me and my siblings will have to get a new place for mum and get rid of the old house etc. It will suck some major ass. But thing happen, if that will be our destiny then at least I’m prepared. (: Yes, they were selling the house and even got a good offer, but decided to stay because their cat is so sick. I was looking after it last week. Her leg is broken. She yelled 24/7, I had to clean her toilet every two hours cause with the “lampshade” over her head she can’t cover her poo, feed about every two hours too, stroke and scratch her ears and watch for her when she was outside (not allowed to go beyond the new cat fence on the porch) – just be with her. All the time. Didn’t get much rest or sleep and I missed playing Fallout like hell. At least I had my guns with me, though the weather sucked and it was freezing cold so I didn’t go anywhere to shoot. Was too sick and tired too. But they were with me and comforted me cause I had nightmares EVERY single night. Bah.

Uh oh (like the Teletubbies say), one hour passed like in a minute. What happened?


Here, have a cute kitty. ^^

I like it that summer is coming, there’s only one thing I hate in summer and that is sweating like a pig, all the time. Guess I’ll wait a couple of more hours before bringing out the paper stuff. Must do the cooking anyway. Bolognese sauce with some random pasta it’ll be. Have one antique leek in fridge and amazingly it’s still good inside, then there’re carrots, got onions, ground beef bought in January and some smashed tomatoes in can. Actually I’m now officially vegetarian cause meat makes me feel just plain awful, but at least I don’t need to go anywhere tomorrow and til Monday the effects are gone.

Actually I wanted to talk about one thing that has long been a pain in the ass: being in love without getting anything in return. I got rid of it. I gave up. Til now I have given up all the loves in my life. All human ones, that is. Often I happen to see cool guys out there, some that make me follow them with my eyes and think inappropriate things, then I remind myself of the fact that is known by everyone by now: nobody really likes me. None of those whom I watch would even look at me. There’s nothing I can give to them. Then, I get attention from wrong people, like alcoholics, negative attention from women who walk their nose so high up in the air it’s impossible to see it beyond the clouds. I wouldn’t care about them… If I had even one person whom to hug and who would hug me back when I feel bad. Right now I live in extreme isolation, I’ve been denied physical contact with someone so long I have forgotten how it is, I have very little other contact with people. Only school, some random talk with neighbors. I don’t count internet as social. It’s not social. I write, I post statuses on FB but rarely get any answer, and even if I do it’s somehow cold and impersonal, there’s always a distance between me and others. Here and IRL too. My only IRL friend doesn’t want me to visit him, but he’s getting two others for a visit this weekend. Everybody is slipping away. There was this one guy I met in Youtube, we were very close for a couple of years and then suddenly there’s no contact anymore. I occasionally see his posts on FB, I might comment, some weeks ago we talked a short while but I know that connection is broken. THAT FUCKING HURTS. Then comes the night and I’m just one of those miserable bastards sitting at computer playing and watching porn. Even more miserable being caught up in the wrong body, nobody believing me, nobody wanting to get involved.

Well enough about complaining. I’m getting really hungry. Not as hungry as these guys but close… Zombie love. ^^ Who wants some?

zombie love hahaha

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