Every day is a fight

Goodbye summer rose

My grandma Hilkka died this morning. Mum called me an hour ago. She told me already yesterday that her time was drawing near. We knew to wait this. When I was a kid I once wrote her a poem about a summer rose. I feel she was like one. Bright and sunny. The Alzheimer changed her but luckily it was not for long. She died sleeping, in peace.

Some days ago when cleaning I found my old wedding ring.

The sky is crying and I got wet walking many paths today. Still I lost my path of what I was going to do. Wanted to buy me some new clothes. But not now. I will try to get my money back from phone company first. Tomorrow, making calls. Many things happen. It all makes me very tired. I might not be updating this blog or viewing my account for a while. I know I wanted to write more often but I’m so exhausted now, already for long. School ends next week, funeral is 8th or 15th, 2x therapy on 11th, physio on 14th, my ex and my ex-mother-in-law come here on 16th, I have the big meeting on 17th, we all go to my parents’ on 19th, then leave to Germany on 21st. I feel like stretched thin when trying to not to collapse under the stress. Need new clothes, dad sends me money. Need black and bleached jeans and some black shirt for funeral and new t-shirts. Wanted to look for ’em tonight but can’t concentrate. Found some cool NRA and 2nd Amendment themed ones on eBay. Maybe later. Night’s gonna be long cleaning up the rest of this crap here.

Anyway. I go now. Wish everyone a nice beginning of summer.

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