Every day is a fight

Spring. Cloudy.

Those buds are about to burst open as fine green in few more warm weeks. If the forecast is true that happens in just days. Spring flowers are already blooming. Cat fur creeps out of every corner. Fine dust finds it’s way inside to cover every surface.

Today I cleaned up a little more. PC too. The problems are piling up. Can’t make a backup, can’t change the language. I’m ignoring them cause they make me angry. Being angry is bad for the heart. I had 2 blood tests but the doctor didn’t call. That makes me angry too. I can’t drink energy drinks because they’re bad and I have to closely monitor what I eat and all that is making me even more angry. Uncontrollably angry. High blood pressure too. Now it’s 4pm and too late again to call the medical center. I’m just about ready to throw my “steel artwork” through the living room window.

Even though it’s difficult I was able to save 100 euro in the last “half”. Not going to school like I should is a problem too. On some moments I’d like to quit all of this. Stop living. There’s no future, at least no pleasant one. I tried to get help but my doctor just gave me stronger pills that made my legs twitch painfully, so I quit them, and my ex-therapist wanted to see me but she doesn’t understand and talking to her is a waste of time.

Yeah, dying and being reborn in a better life? Sounds nice. Anything is better than the shit I’ve lived for 36 years. Even not being reborn and being dead and gone forever.

I’m going back to watching tv.


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