SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘at night’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Breathe

April 5, 2017

It’s over. The nightmare. The depression. All gone. I feel so good. 3 days after starting the asthma medication ALL symptoms were gone and I can breathe. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good. I sleep 1000x better than before, I don’t feel like drowning at night anymore, no more coughing, no […]

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

No title.

September 24, 2015

The last 20 minutes there have been 4 vehicles with sirens passing the main street. There are a lot of them here. I hear some almost every day. Always coming from north and heading to the sea. In my old place I heard them only during holidays and when it was very hot, there was […]

3-minute-meow.

July 19, 2015

Or better a 24/7 meow. It’s getting worse and worse, and all my time I’m either in coma or fighting to stay awake – no resting. My brain is asleep all the time and I can’t get it awake for more than few minutes at the time. It’s a bad feeling. It’s like sleep paralysis […]

Tori no Hito.

May 31, 2015

That’s…fitting. I’m listening to a Joe Hisaishi concert again and it’s 3:20am. There’s a song in NausicaƤ of The Valley of The Wind called Bird Person. I was seeing my parents this week and read that book Birdy almost completely. I sat on my bed and read over 4 hours straight without a break. Since […]

The hug of the badger-panda.

May 18, 2015

Can’t say I’m doing good. There was a better time, but… Things got worse again. Problems with food, taste hallucination, heavy allergy and skin problems, asshole parents. Stress level surprisingly low. Tried two alternative sleeping pills but they caused a massive weight gaining and now I’m back on Z. Have been sleeping better since 2,5 […]

The lone island.

January 10, 2015

To the famous question of “what would you take with to a lonely island?” I now meanwhile have an answer. I always went with the most important or valuable of my possessions, but all of those appear to be useless if you imagine the real survival. That leaves only 1 logic answer: a knife. With […]

Can’t. Can? Can!

December 20, 2014

Let’s see how long I stand listening to this. Actually I started to feel pretty uncomfortable during the first song. *shiver* Wrote a long post to Forgotten Shores. Go check it out. Sorry for typing errors. I’m butterfingers. But a healthier butterfingers now, even when the damn blood test results were shitty. The cuts are […]