SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘bipolar’ Category

Bamboo blinds.

July 14, 2016

And how the light drips through them like thin rain. Leaves are all white from the sun. The wind never ceases. Pine needles shimmer and change color, everything moves. Always moves. Never stops. Winds blow from the sea always fresh and cool. Red brick houses only look like home here, high up north. This light […]

Let me give you a hand.

July 9, 2016

This year’s been hell so far. But here I am still. 6 am, after a long night enjoying a game, drinking energy drink, Maru sleeping next to me on my new couch. Morning sun reaches the bushes in front of the balcony. Stay quiet, don’t move, then maybe the heat is bearable. I’ve been unstable […]

Birds.

January 31, 2016

Are flying around chirping today. Sun shines for a short while before setting behind the houses. From living room window I can see a small square of the sky. Thin clouds. Blue. Trees and branches lit with the last glow of the sun, not much more than a ghost. It’s 4pm and still light outside. […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

Cold.

November 17, 2014

Feet been hurting like hell since I went out in the morning. Half slept among the others through morning lessons. But I have the feeling I’m slowly getting the hang of the topic tolerances. And M is a better teacher than J. We had some lazy asses repeating the course. I still got no working […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Don’t you cry, it’ll be alright

April 26, 2014

After laying in bed for 20 minutes decided to get up again. On overdrive, I just don’t sleep. Left old place yesterday. My sis came and gave me stuff she had written to read. It was horrible. Well written, but… I have blocked everything from back then to survive. All my energy was directed to […]

Hanging on

December 21, 2013

Stomach hurts cause I fear the holiday. Have my defenses all up and ready for fighting. At least my biggest present made it half way today. I wished I had it with me tomorrow but can’t help the situation. Been sicker than in years for a couple of weeks. Felt like I’m never getting better. […]