SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘depressed’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Spring. Cloudy.

April 5, 2016

Those buds are about to burst open as fine green in few more warm weeks. If the forecast is true that happens in just days. Spring flowers are already blooming. Cat fur creeps out of every corner. Fine dust finds it’s way inside to cover every surface. Today I cleaned up a little more. PC […]

The Dark Age.

December 9, 2014

First of all, let me post a link to an article about emotional child abuse. Cause that’s what we’re gonna talk about tonight. (Yep, it’s still night here.) The Dark Age, that are the past 35 years. Half of a human lifespan. Even more. In emotional child abuse everything is bad and wrong, but maybe […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Big fat black snake

April 13, 2014

A dragon snake with thin sharp barbs sinking into my flesh, sucking out my energy, eating me alive. It’s beneath my skin, getting fatter and fatter and me inside is getting weaker and weaker. The snake chokes me every time I try to eat, or even think about eating. I feel so sick all the […]

Dance of the black snake.

December 11, 2013

Been a long time, sick, fighting, giving up, being poisoned. Not been in school regularly, last week only two days and this week none. High stress level, hurt my knee and it’s swollen, my right foot is swollen too, as bad as it used to be. Still no winter jacket. So, layered clothing, endlessly. My […]