SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘eating disorder’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Bamboo blinds.

July 14, 2016

And how the light drips through them like thin rain. Leaves are all white from the sun. The wind never ceases. Pine needles shimmer and change color, everything moves. Always moves. Never stops. Winds blow from the sea always fresh and cool. Red brick houses only look like home here, high up north. This light […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

Tori no Hito.

May 31, 2015

That’s…fitting. I’m listening to a Joe Hisaishi concert again and it’s 3:20am. There’s a song in NausicaƤ of The Valley of The Wind called Bird Person. I was seeing my parents this week and read that book Birdy almost completely. I sat on my bed and read over 4 hours straight without a break. Since […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

Big fat black snake

April 13, 2014

A dragon snake with thin sharp barbs sinking into my flesh, sucking out my energy, eating me alive. It’s beneath my skin, getting fatter and fatter and me inside is getting weaker and weaker. The snake chokes me every time I try to eat, or even think about eating. I feel so sick all the […]

Dance of the black snake.

December 11, 2013

Been a long time, sick, fighting, giving up, being poisoned. Not been in school regularly, last week only two days and this week none. High stress level, hurt my knee and it’s swollen, my right foot is swollen too, as bad as it used to be. Still no winter jacket. So, layered clothing, endlessly. My […]

Be true. Be you.

April 6, 2013

Gah, can’t remember what slogan that was. Something stupid for sure. This song describes my current state good. Being stuck. Nothing happens. I do nothing to change things. Well I try to do something now. Staying once again awake all night is not part of that, but cleaning is. And gradually changing my eating habits […]

Feels like (started January 14th, finished today)

January 26, 2013

Award time! :) From On Windy Days. First, thank you so much for your support!! You have been a giant inspiration to me, and seeing you reach for your dreams has given me motivation to do so too. ;) School is much more fun when I have a goal I’m working for. :) Rules: * […]