SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘falling down’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Don’t you cry, it’ll be alright

April 26, 2014

After laying in bed for 20 minutes decided to get up again. On overdrive, I just don’t sleep. Left old place yesterday. My sis came and gave me stuff she had written to read. It was horrible. Well written, but… I have blocked everything from back then to survive. All my energy was directed to […]

Catloaf

April 6, 2014

I’ve started calling my cat a meatloaf. Or a catloaf, a furloaf, a Maruloaf, and saying he has green peas and carrots in his belly, or nothing at all. Right now he has been picky about food all night, so there’s not a single pea in his belly. :3 Got not much to tell really. […]

Storytime: Making love to the sound of the wind

December 30, 2013

Every night, before laying to sleep, the boy told his dad he loved him. In the old green house, in the bedroom under the roof where the sound of the wind never ceased, every night the dad pulled off his belt and beat up his son. Smiling when the boy tried to resist. It was […]

Dance of the black snake.

December 11, 2013

Been a long time, sick, fighting, giving up, being poisoned. Not been in school regularly, last week only two days and this week none. High stress level, hurt my knee and it’s swollen, my right foot is swollen too, as bad as it used to be. Still no winter jacket. So, layered clothing, endlessly. My […]