SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘fear’ Category

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

No title.

September 24, 2015

The last 20 minutes there have been 4 vehicles with sirens passing the main street. There are a lot of them here. I hear some almost every day. Always coming from north and heading to the sea. In my old place I heard them only during holidays and when it was very hot, there was […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Your house is your garden.

October 24, 2013

In which you cultivate your feelings and what you give to others and yourself. If you feed your garden with good karma it’ll flourish and bloom and everyone will love to visit you and be your friend. If you feed it with bad karma it’ll suck out your life energy and disturb or scare visitors. […]

Deaf, blind.

September 5, 2013

People say I’m strong. But sometimes I don’t feel like that at all. My ears hurt and often I can’t hear anything with either one. My eyes hurt, the right one is now red inside and out, in class I can’t see anything without my glasses. My head hurts. Two days this week when I […]

Alienation

August 17, 2013

Seed told me last week that my current problems might be caused by me letting myself get out of trouble too easily. I just seek immediate comfort and pleasure that got me hooked on sugar in the first place. Some other post I explained he doesn’t really talk, he just reflects the chaos in my […]

Storytime: Mum

August 5, 2013

I have often started my bloggings with a song. But I have nothing in mind that would describe the deceit. I was long awake last night, couldn’t sleep, was restless and felt bad and now I feel like I just have to get this out. Even when my memories might be sometimes faint, like shadows. […]

On my knees

August 3, 2013

Listening to this non-stop. For an hour. My head’s a mess. Overencumbered. Not eaten much anything all day. Sad. Stressed. Read some of them homeless stories from this blog. It’s a great blog. I’ve been through alcoholism and I’ve been homeless too. I still have the fear of losing all I have. Right now. I […]