SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘fuck this life’ Category

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Spring. Cloudy.

April 5, 2016

Those buds are about to burst open as fine green in few more warm weeks. If the forecast is true that happens in just days. Spring flowers are already blooming. Cat fur creeps out of every corner. Fine dust finds it’s way inside to cover every surface. Today I cleaned up a little more. PC […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

3-minute-meow.

July 19, 2015

Or better a 24/7 meow. It’s getting worse and worse, and all my time I’m either in coma or fighting to stay awake – no resting. My brain is asleep all the time and I can’t get it awake for more than few minutes at the time. It’s a bad feeling. It’s like sleep paralysis […]

Mixed feelings.

July 2, 2015

Money is the root of all evil and having none of it is the solution to all life’s problems. 0 money cured all existing addictions, put me on my knees and made me beg for money from people who can use my predicament as an excuse to further manipulate, abuse, control and berate me in […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Don’t you cry, it’ll be alright

April 26, 2014

After laying in bed for 20 minutes decided to get up again. On overdrive, I just don’t sleep. Left old place yesterday. My sis came and gave me stuff she had written to read. It was horrible. Well written, but… I have blocked everything from back then to survive. All my energy was directed to […]