SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘i want to live’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

The Dark Age.

December 9, 2014

First of all, let me post a link to an article about emotional child abuse. Cause that’s what we’re gonna talk about tonight. (Yep, it’s still night here.) The Dark Age, that are the past 35 years. Half of a human lifespan. Even more. In emotional child abuse everything is bad and wrong, but maybe […]

Your house is your garden.

October 24, 2013

In which you cultivate your feelings and what you give to others and yourself. If you feed your garden with good karma it’ll flourish and bloom and everyone will love to visit you and be your friend. If you feed it with bad karma it’ll suck out your life energy and disturb or scare visitors. […]

Storytime: Airplanes

September 19, 2013

It was cramped, ice cold, smelling bad and struck my ears deaf, but as a child I was never afraid of flying. Most of the early flights were on board of Aeroflot. I hated the smell but enjoyed the view and the bag of games and coloring book with pens all children got. When we […]

Storytime: Mum

August 5, 2013

I have often started my bloggings with a song. But I have nothing in mind that would describe the deceit. I was long awake last night, couldn’t sleep, was restless and felt bad and now I feel like I just have to get this out. Even when my memories might be sometimes faint, like shadows. […]

That piece of heaven – so close

July 4, 2013

Well the last time I wrote that little story of Oni, then I didn’t know what was to come two days later. After then I had no time to even consider writing anything. Too busy with guests and travels and interacting. But the good news (finally): I got a studying place!! I’ll be starting in […]

Storytime: Oni

June 11, 2013

Story time! Was that desk standing in living room? No. In my brother’s room? No. I can’t recall. It must have been in the small hallway on the top of the staircase. My new room didn’t exist yet. There was just a cold attic where I used to play with my sister. I slept downstairs […]

I watched you fall

April 11, 2013

No energy for any extras. I got the best grade (3) from physics, and 2 of the first course of math, but there’s whole lot to do before retiring to summer holiday. It turns out I’m not allowed to continue in the group I’m in now. Because I was missing 3 times. I didn’t know […]

Be true. Be you.

April 6, 2013

Gah, can’t remember what slogan that was. Something stupid for sure. This song describes my current state good. Being stuck. Nothing happens. I do nothing to change things. Well I try to do something now. Staying once again awake all night is not part of that, but cleaning is. And gradually changing my eating habits […]