SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘i’m stuck’ Category

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Spring. Cloudy.

April 5, 2016

Those buds are about to burst open as fine green in few more warm weeks. If the forecast is true that happens in just days. Spring flowers are already blooming. Cat fur creeps out of every corner. Fine dust finds it’s way inside to cover every surface. Today I cleaned up a little more. PC […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

3-minute-meow.

July 19, 2015

Or better a 24/7 meow. It’s getting worse and worse, and all my time I’m either in coma or fighting to stay awake – no resting. My brain is asleep all the time and I can’t get it awake for more than few minutes at the time. It’s a bad feeling. It’s like sleep paralysis […]

The hug of the badger-panda.

May 18, 2015

Can’t say I’m doing good. There was a better time, but… Things got worse again. Problems with food, taste hallucination, heavy allergy and skin problems, asshole parents. Stress level surprisingly low. Tried two alternative sleeping pills but they caused a massive weight gaining and now I’m back on Z. Have been sleeping better since 2,5 […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

Dance of the black snake.

December 11, 2013

Been a long time, sick, fighting, giving up, being poisoned. Not been in school regularly, last week only two days and this week none. High stress level, hurt my knee and it’s swollen, my right foot is swollen too, as bad as it used to be. Still no winter jacket. So, layered clothing, endlessly. My […]

Alienation

August 17, 2013

Seed told me last week that my current problems might be caused by me letting myself get out of trouble too easily. I just seek immediate comfort and pleasure that got me hooked on sugar in the first place. Some other post I explained he doesn’t really talk, he just reflects the chaos in my […]

No one nothing is real

July 9, 2013

Nah it’s not only the sleep deprivation. I just feel horrible. Nothing makes sense. This is the second day. Been listening to music in incredible amounts, playing a bit, posting shit in Facebook, watching porn. Well, mostly just watching porn. Mostly Tumblr. 90%. The rest that stuff I already have saved. Manga, pics… I can […]

Sitamar has been tagged

March 16, 2012

So, my friend @ On Windy Days tagged me with this… It took me a while to get this up, sorry for that. Also it took a while to think about the answers! The rules: 1. You must post the rules. 2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then […]