SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘insane’ Category

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Hanging on

December 21, 2013

Stomach hurts cause I fear the holiday. Have my defenses all up and ready for fighting. At least my biggest present made it half way today. I wished I had it with me tomorrow but can’t help the situation. Been sicker than in years for a couple of weeks. Felt like I’m never getting better. […]

Cry for blood

April 26, 2012

Just to say I’m so close to kill someone it will be a miracle if I make it over the holidays without soaking my hands and knife in fresh warm blood. Nothing helps to this. I don’t get the images out of my head – and I don’t want to. I’ll tell you what happens […]

Two people

April 7, 2012

A very short Easter visit from my parents and sister. They brought food and juice. Dad was very nervous the whole time here and criticized the giant work I did yesterday and this morning to clean it up here to look at least a bit normal. It’s such a luck he doesn’t know how it […]

I’m so sorry

April 1, 2012

Talked a bit with A, it made me happy he was on, but it made me sad too that he’s not feeling well. It’s better for him to rest now and recharge, and hopefully his pains get better during sleep. But the little talk just left me even more lonely than I was before. I […]

Fuck yeah

March 30, 2012

OUCH!! Like, most of those I’ve heard from other people, and the few rest realised by myself… It’s from ’76 but still! This blog has had already 880 views! Time to celebrate, what? — That was all yesterday, Thursday. I was OK. There was bloodlust, but I had it under control. Then came evening, then […]

…feel you in the wind

March 26, 2012

It’s there again. Outside of my window, inside my head. My living atm is “macgyverish”, I use my SOG Pup to cut bread and spread butter on it, to open boxes, to cut anything food or not food, to eat. I have no spoons, not even plastic ones clean, and only plastic forks that suck. […]

I can hear you in the wind

February 27, 2012

You’re whispering the sweet words of murder and destruction… “Tumbled” upon this: Whoever fights monsters… Very interesting to read. I have no real reason to write anything today. I was outta house hearing if it’s possible to get a loan from my bank. It’s not. SHIT. Then I have to lend money from my ex […]

Giving myself away

February 27, 2012

That night I saw the ground crumble, I saw the cities fall like dry sand castles, gushes of wind blowing away bricks and cement blocks. Like they were light as feathers. Nothing but feathers. All light was gone. The aftershock hit the land in deep dark, shaking away the last fractures of human pride. One […]