SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘sad’ Category

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Mixed feelings.

July 2, 2015

Money is the root of all evil and having none of it is the solution to all life’s problems. 0 money cured all existing addictions, put me on my knees and made me beg for money from people who can use my predicament as an excuse to further manipulate, abuse, control and berate me in […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Storytime: Airplanes

September 19, 2013

It was cramped, ice cold, smelling bad and struck my ears deaf, but as a child I was never afraid of flying. Most of the early flights were on board of Aeroflot. I hated the smell but enjoyed the view and the bag of games and coloring book with pens all children got. When we […]

On my knees

August 3, 2013

Listening to this non-stop. For an hour. My head’s a mess. Overencumbered. Not eaten much anything all day. Sad. Stressed. Read some of them homeless stories from this blog. It’s a great blog. I’ve been through alcoholism and I’ve been homeless too. I still have the fear of losing all I have. Right now. I […]

No one nothing is real

July 9, 2013

Nah it’s not only the sleep deprivation. I just feel horrible. Nothing makes sense. This is the second day. Been listening to music in incredible amounts, playing a bit, posting shit in Facebook, watching porn. Well, mostly just watching porn. Mostly Tumblr. 90%. The rest that stuff I already have saved. Manga, pics… I can […]

The man called Jeebus who walked in a swimming pool with 1cm water depth

June 1, 2013

Decided to post a little piece of shit. Some pics, music, stuff. My head is overloaded and I feel pretty bad right now. Been restless for weeks, can’t really sleep or rest, heavy allergy and caffeine withdrawal. Today we had the school ending ceremony. Boring as hell, as usual, but afterwards long talks with class […]

Goodbye summer rose

May 22, 2013

My grandma Hilkka died this morning. Mum called me an hour ago. She told me already yesterday that her time was drawing near. We knew to wait this. When I was a kid I once wrote her a poem about a summer rose. I feel she was like one. Bright and sunny. The Alzheimer changed […]

Vibrating waves of pale darkness

February 16, 2013

Ikatan Nuain, Ikatan Nuain, your voice is the harp of the sea. In the floods of darkness there is light where you go. Ikatan Nuain, Ikatan Nuain, your name is seagras’ whispering. Shining corals glory your name there where you go. Ikatan Nuain, Ikatan Nuain, your skin is pearls’ freshness. On the riffs shells open […]

Chunk

January 2, 2013

Waiting for Fallout New Vegas to load. God this computer is slow. My ex wants a super security but is moaning about it being slow. Hey you can’t have both!! I’m having very mixed feelings about being here this time. I think this might have been a mistake. This is no more my home and […]