SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘stress’ Category

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Let me give you a hand.

July 9, 2016

This year’s been hell so far. But here I am still. 6 am, after a long night enjoying a game, drinking energy drink, Maru sleeping next to me on my new couch. Morning sun reaches the bushes in front of the balcony. Stay quiet, don’t move, then maybe the heat is bearable. I’ve been unstable […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

No title.

September 24, 2015

The last 20 minutes there have been 4 vehicles with sirens passing the main street. There are a lot of them here. I hear some almost every day. Always coming from north and heading to the sea. In my old place I heard them only during holidays and when it was very hot, there was […]

New home, new life, old problems.

September 5, 2015

First off, Maru enjoys himself. Lots of place to run, a balcony and a cow hide in sleeping room to roll on. I’m not so fine. Still forced to use mobile, no internet at home. Hurt my knee bad on first school day and it’s been a pain in the ass. Moving has just started […]

3-minute-meow.

July 19, 2015

Or better a 24/7 meow. It’s getting worse and worse, and all my time I’m either in coma or fighting to stay awake – no resting. My brain is asleep all the time and I can’t get it awake for more than few minutes at the time. It’s a bad feeling. It’s like sleep paralysis […]

Mixed feelings.

July 2, 2015

Money is the root of all evil and having none of it is the solution to all life’s problems. 0 money cured all existing addictions, put me on my knees and made me beg for money from people who can use my predicament as an excuse to further manipulate, abuse, control and berate me in […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

Tori no Hito.

May 31, 2015

That’s…fitting. I’m listening to a Joe Hisaishi concert again and it’s 3:20am. There’s a song in NausicaƤ of The Valley of The Wind called Bird Person. I was seeing my parents this week and read that book Birdy almost completely. I sat on my bed and read over 4 hours straight without a break. Since […]