SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘study & job’ Category

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Birds.

January 31, 2016

Are flying around chirping today. Sun shines for a short while before setting behind the houses. From living room window I can see a small square of the sky. Thin clouds. Blue. Trees and branches lit with the last glow of the sun, not much more than a ghost. It’s 4pm and still light outside. […]

New home, new life, old problems.

September 5, 2015

First off, Maru enjoys himself. Lots of place to run, a balcony and a cow hide in sleeping room to roll on. I’m not so fine. Still forced to use mobile, no internet at home. Hurt my knee bad on first school day and it’s been a pain in the ass. Moving has just started […]

Mixed feelings.

July 2, 2015

Money is the root of all evil and having none of it is the solution to all life’s problems. 0 money cured all existing addictions, put me on my knees and made me beg for money from people who can use my predicament as an excuse to further manipulate, abuse, control and berate me in […]

Tori no Hito.

May 31, 2015

That’s…fitting. I’m listening to a Joe Hisaishi concert again and it’s 3:20am. There’s a song in NausicaƤ of The Valley of The Wind called Bird Person. I was seeing my parents this week and read that book Birdy almost completely. I sat on my bed and read over 4 hours straight without a break. Since […]

The hug of the badger-panda.

May 18, 2015

Can’t say I’m doing good. There was a better time, but… Things got worse again. Problems with food, taste hallucination, heavy allergy and skin problems, asshole parents. Stress level surprisingly low. Tried two alternative sleeping pills but they caused a massive weight gaining and now I’m back on Z. Have been sleeping better since 2,5 […]

Bread and cheese.

February 16, 2015

Because I’m too lazy to cook. I only have bread and cheese. :P But I’m in control of the money, made pretty good progress this year already. Of course I’m constantly worried about money and not having enough and not being able to pay bills or buy stuff. But I’m not wasting it all in […]

Cold.

November 17, 2014

Feet been hurting like hell since I went out in the morning. Half slept among the others through morning lessons. But I have the feeling I’m slowly getting the hang of the topic tolerances. And M is a better teacher than J. We had some lazy asses repeating the course. I still got no working […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

Just keep walking

August 30, 2014

Things are better now. Easier, not so much stress. Blocking it out with music and reading whenever I can. Talk with people. Focus on working. Too tired to worry. Won’t help forever, but at least every week from Monday to Friday. Not much to tell about the work. Got no working clothes but can do […]