SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘tired’ Category

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

3-minute-meow.

July 19, 2015

Or better a 24/7 meow. It’s getting worse and worse, and all my time I’m either in coma or fighting to stay awake – no resting. My brain is asleep all the time and I can’t get it awake for more than few minutes at the time. It’s a bad feeling. It’s like sleep paralysis […]

+ is the only cross in my life.

June 3, 2015

From those 7 bottles a half one is left. I’m pushing the limits again. Short but intense morning workout session and afterwards I sit here crying. I want to be free but I can’t imagine my life without this drink. I looked too deep in the bottle again. Outside everything is cool, green, wet. I […]

Tori no Hito.

May 31, 2015

That’s…fitting. I’m listening to a Joe Hisaishi concert again and it’s 3:20am. There’s a song in NausicaƤ of The Valley of The Wind called Bird Person. I was seeing my parents this week and read that book Birdy almost completely. I sat on my bed and read over 4 hours straight without a break. Since […]

Worse.

February 7, 2015

So tired I feel like I might collapse any moment. Arms hurt, legs hurt. Head hurt, teeth hurt. Exhausted beyond imaginable. Sunrise has moved a tiny bit more east. The skyline is orange. 7:26am. On Tuesday I got the most horrid stomach pains ever – again. Last time was during weekend. It lasted forever. I […]

Hollow

November 15, 2014

I know I haven’t been here in ages. I still got nothing to say. My life sucks and problems just keep increasing and getting worse all the time. No matter what I do. After 5 weeks every night nightmares I had almost one and half weeks break (around my birthday), but now I’m back to […]

Just keep walking

August 30, 2014

Things are better now. Easier, not so much stress. Blocking it out with music and reading whenever I can. Talk with people. Focus on working. Too tired to worry. Won’t help forever, but at least every week from Monday to Friday. Not much to tell about the work. Got no working clothes but can do […]

When the sausage disappeared

August 15, 2014

Yea, a couple of days ago I woke up and came to living room and noticed those three small sausages I left on the table were gone. Someone was hungry at night. School has been extremely hard. Just sitting around listening to bullshit. I have constant panic and rage attacks that are triggered by anything […]

Lolwutidon’tcare

April 27, 2014

The post name describes it so well… Since coming back home I’ve had a panic attack, felt anxious every day, suffered from heightened social phobia, fears and worries and a strong urge to just give up. Start using drugs. Get in trouble. Attack and kill people. Vandalize this house. I feel continuing rage boiling deep […]

Don’t you cry, it’ll be alright

April 26, 2014

After laying in bed for 20 minutes decided to get up again. On overdrive, I just don’t sleep. Left old place yesterday. My sis came and gave me stuff she had written to read. It was horrible. Well written, but… I have blocked everything from back then to survive. All my energy was directed to […]