SD
Every day is a fight

Archive for the ‘what i am’ Category

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Let me give you a hand.

July 9, 2016

This year’s been hell so far. But here I am still. 6 am, after a long night enjoying a game, drinking energy drink, Maru sleeping next to me on my new couch. Morning sun reaches the bushes in front of the balcony. Stay quiet, don’t move, then maybe the heat is bearable. I’ve been unstable […]

If I could walk away.

December 29, 2015

Away from here, away from this life. Leave behind everything that’s making me sick. But that is death. There’s no escape except death. I keep waiting forever for the day I can be free, pushing it always further in my mind, chaining myself to the ground and other people’s expectations. Why not now? I’ve been […]

Worse.

February 7, 2015

So tired I feel like I might collapse any moment. Arms hurt, legs hurt. Head hurt, teeth hurt. Exhausted beyond imaginable. Sunrise has moved a tiny bit more east. The skyline is orange. 7:26am. On Tuesday I got the most horrid stomach pains ever – again. Last time was during weekend. It lasted forever. I […]

The Dark Age.

December 9, 2014

First of all, let me post a link to an article about emotional child abuse. Cause that’s what we’re gonna talk about tonight. (Yep, it’s still night here.) The Dark Age, that are the past 35 years. Half of a human lifespan. Even more. In emotional child abuse everything is bad and wrong, but maybe […]

Love, devotion

March 26, 2014

22.3. Sick with caffeine and sugar withdrawal. Maybe I should just give in and make me a cup of coffee. It helps a bit. Need to eat too. Yes, coffee with lots of milk, the rest of my favourite bread, some yoghurt and a glas of self made juice from mum. I don’t usually make […]

Fashion dolls

January 17, 2014

This has been brooding for a while. Been too busy and tired to update either one, this or Darkness Over Day. There are those rare moments when you realize something about your being, something that then seems so obvious. Today I thought about the time when I was little and when I for some reason […]

Hanging on

December 21, 2013

Stomach hurts cause I fear the holiday. Have my defenses all up and ready for fighting. At least my biggest present made it half way today. I wished I had it with me tomorrow but can’t help the situation. Been sicker than in years for a couple of weeks. Felt like I’m never getting better. […]

Your house is your garden.

October 24, 2013

In which you cultivate your feelings and what you give to others and yourself. If you feed your garden with good karma it’ll flourish and bloom and everyone will love to visit you and be your friend. If you feed it with bad karma it’ll suck out your life energy and disturb or scare visitors. […]

No one nothing is real

July 9, 2013

Nah it’s not only the sleep deprivation. I just feel horrible. Nothing makes sense. This is the second day. Been listening to music in incredible amounts, playing a bit, posting shit in Facebook, watching porn. Well, mostly just watching porn. Mostly Tumblr. 90%. The rest that stuff I already have saved. Manga, pics… I can […]