SD
Every day is a fight

My family

Maru with funny face

Here’s Maru. He was making big eyes but closed them right when I took the photo and this is the result. He has been living with me since July 3rd 2011.

Another, newer pic of Maru. Taken on 5.3.2012. <3 Love my little Maruchen.

Seed sepia

This is Seed, my oldest family member (since November 10th 2010, so we now have 9 months anniversary). Sorry for the bad quality photo but better ones don’t exist as I have not yet come into making new ones and there’s a hairy four legged obstacle between us and better photos.

Seed blue

Another photo of Seed.

I’m sorry I have no photo of Ari yet, but they all are really crappy and I don’t want to post such. I make better one when I have time (and motivation and no Maru around).

Our “Doggy” got scared of Maru. I get back to him later this autumn. It also takes some time to build an emotional bond and it seems we have a slightly different language and he’s still very withdrawn. Right now Maru’s not here but Doggy still won’t let me through his shield. Being the rear end of the food chain here it’s understandable, he feels he is left no own space. Yes I have to bring the place occupation here in balance – by bringing Maru outside for a walk and let other people take care of him every now and then.

Edit 6.12. Here’s an old photo of Threedog. Not the only existing but the best and I haven’t made any new ones. I didn’t even make those promised Christmas photos. Been busy & sick.

Edit 13.12. New photo of our newest, Reaver. (Still no photo of Ari, must correct that right when back home.) Isn’t he pretty? This was taken when arranging the Christmas card pics. I tried many different ways of the same setting of Christmas stuff on the floor, cookies, candy, wool mittens, Christmas carol cd’s, gift paper. As the base grandma’s good old flokati-carpet. (Dunno what it’s called in english, that’s the german name for it.)

Edit 5.7.2012 Photo of all of them from June.

8 Responses to “My family”

  1. The aura of this blog is so sad…yet it is strangely familiar, almost comforting. Don’t be sad, there are so many things to be grateful about! On the other hand, your ‘family’ terrified me at first, but now I understand that that brings you a sense of safety. But maybe I’m wrong. But always keep that head up! To lamely quote one of my favorite movies…”It’s always darkest before the dawn”. I look forward to more posts!!

    • Hi, thanks for your comment. I seem to write most when I’m sad or depressed. Or crazy. O_o It’s when I need to let stress and steam out. Most people have a problem with my family, they don’t understand or make fun of us. And because such people I have a family like this: because humans can rarely be trusted. They don’t want to understand, they are not loyal even when they might act like they were, can’t trust their word. It’s hard to gain trust but I’m on the way. Just often they show my tries are worth nothing. My trust in them is worth nothing. And lately I’ve been extra stressed and sad, it’s hard to be alone sometimes. But I’m not always this dark person :) and an easier time will come eventually.

  2. No problem! I may not understand how much you’ve been through, but one thing I know for sure is that you are most definitely not alone. It doesn’t make any sense that in a world of 6 billion + people, that you are all by yourself. I understand that people may have hurt you in the past, but not all are untrustworthy; you just haven’t had the opportunity to find those warm hearted people. Trust me, there is still good in this world! And who knows, maybe that cycle will be broken here, starting with me. Life isn’t meant to be lived in solitude and despair, you just have to believe in people enough to reach out. And I know that those easier times are on their way, trust me. Anyways, thanks for stopping by my blog, I’m glad you didn’t think it was pointless…although I hope it didn’t kill too much of your time :D

    • :) Really, a lot of thanks for visiting here. Half of my life happens online since more than ten years now, so if I get stuck on some site it’s not really bad. Mainly it’s just good, to forget all the shit that surrounds me. Right now physical shit: rubbish, cat stuff, dirty dishes, been too tired or busy to clean but have to do this week.

      Think online it’s kind of easier to trust people. I’ve not met many fakes yet. They’re in a way easy to spot. And I kind of use honesty as a weapon against people I don’t want around me. If someone stays here even with all the crazy shit I sometimes write then he/she ain’t a fake, there’s some understanding, and I can trust those people. :) Slowly something is changing. It’s still a small miracle to make a new friend and I’m hell of afraid to say something bad and lose that friend again. People are really important to me. (The depressed me is like that “normal” me, social person who’s just too shy to go and meet people, and the other side is the antisocial demon who hates everybody, last days it’s been up and down, changing from one to another about every hour. Draining.)

      Well, thanks for the award too. So kind from you. ^^ I like your positive way of thinking. It’s truly encouraging. I need sometimes someone “kicking my butt”. Mum brought me an angel Christmas tree decoration to protect me, from their trip to Munich. I’ve never been very religious (and my parents are atheist) but since I got baptized to catholic when living in Bavaria I’ve adopted some strong beliefs. I keep a Madonna figure in bedroom and many candles with text or symbols, and carry a rosary in my bag and a Madonna charm in my wallet. Kind of protection. Got a beautiful brass cross as a baptizing present from my ex’s aunt who’s a nun. She’s propably the brightest of the whole family clan. In my opinion. Like her very much. :)

      Aww, lost myself in the memory of visiting her cloister. It was very nice, although the food there not very good. She showed us a “secret” walkway above the big church. Well this comment is now as long as whole post. Gotta go to bed, school begins point 9am, have about 7 hours time to sleep. Too little.

      • Hey no problem! A true friend is one that you can say whatever you want to, and they’ll still be there for you. I’m glad things are changing for you, even though it may be slow. God has really played a big part in my life and if you don’t mind, I’ll even include you in my prayers. And believe it or not, I’m really shy too. I know someone that admits to being shy can’t possibly be shy…but really I am :) Anyways, good luck with your classes! I totally understand what you’re going through on that subject. I just finished yesterday night…

        Haha a whole post as a comment! You’re so funny. And thank you for that. I picked you for the award because I really feel that you deserve it :D

      • :) I’ll give the award forward after I figure out who earns it.. I have a finnish blog and more readers on it then this. I’ll pick them, might copy the post in the other blog too because seems like some people are not so fond reading peoples’ “secondary” blogs. Although this has kind of become my first. I just rant in the other. Like today, got a letter that they raise my rent 80 euros. From about 500 to almost 600. That’s SICK. You can get a place twice this big for that money. Guess I must start really thinking to move away. 500 has been my absolute limit in rent and 594 is just TOO MUCH. That crushed me hard today, but good music and spending time home with “my family” does miracles.

        Nice to hear you’d like to include me in your prayers. I know many people do that, like my ex’s aunts, and my already dead grandma always said she’ll pray for me. I don’t really pray regularly, only sometimes take my rosary and go through it a couple of times. It’s pacifying too. When I pray I include everyone I like in them too, also already dead relatives, or even people who I’ve never known but who somehow moved me and I wish they were still alive.

        Our teachers have been really nice and let us go already at 2pm. They are busy with Christmas fair and selling cookies. We go to church on next Thursday, to the old stone cathedral (kinda small one though) in Espoo, it’s fifteen minutes walk from our school. I’ve never been inside of it but was walking on the cemetery in autumn taking some photos. Love especially old cemeteries with all the moss-grown iron crosses and very very old gravestones. So peaceful and a sort of holy atmosphere. But in this one I saw the most horrible kind of fungus I’ve ever seen. They scared me so that I almost peed my pants and was shaking a long while after. xP Kind of hilarious now when I think back to that, but not at that moment for sure!

      • Whew, sorry for getting back to you so late! Haha and no problem, there’s no time constraint or anything to give out the award. Heck, if you don’t feel you have anybody to give it to, then you really don’t have to. But yea, I was really surprised myself considering ranting/complaining is all I do. But my main goal is just to let others see the lighter side of things ya know? This world is already too sad as it is and one way that I’m able to cope is by laughter.

        But man, raising the rent another 100 euros?? That is just too ridiculous…But I totally understand the spending time with the family part. And yes! I’ll definitely pray for you then :D It’s always great to know that there are always others out there keeping you in your thoughts, and you may not even know about it! Haha, any kind of cemetery for me is a creepy place. Maybe I just watched one too many horror movies. But it is indeed a place with an eerie calm, that’s for sure. And wow, that must’ve been an absolutely horrifying fungus if you were still shaking after the fact haha! Well, I hope you have a great time at the cathedral and if I don’t get back to you by then (which I should be able to) I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!!

  3. Oh, one other thing. I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for this award:
    http://onwindydays.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/the-versatile-blogger/
    I think you really deserve it. Hope everything is well with you, and I will be seeing you around!


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