SD
Every day is a fight

Posts Tagged ‘anxiety

1 scoop of light, 2 scoops of darkness

June 29, 2017

Been a while since the last update. It feels like an eternity. I usually get on a better mood when I write about what’s wrong. I’d really love to talk to someone about this but I can’t. Already put as much as I could into my other blogs but really, who has ever encountered a […]

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Big fat black snake

April 13, 2014

A dragon snake with thin sharp barbs sinking into my flesh, sucking out my energy, eating me alive. It’s beneath my skin, getting fatter and fatter and me inside is getting weaker and weaker. The snake chokes me every time I try to eat, or even think about eating. I feel so sick all the […]

Your house is your garden.

October 24, 2013

In which you cultivate your feelings and what you give to others and yourself. If you feed your garden with good karma it’ll flourish and bloom and everyone will love to visit you and be your friend. If you feed it with bad karma it’ll suck out your life energy and disturb or scare visitors. […]

Alienation

August 17, 2013

Seed told me last week that my current problems might be caused by me letting myself get out of trouble too easily. I just seek immediate comfort and pleasure that got me hooked on sugar in the first place. Some other post I explained he doesn’t really talk, he just reflects the chaos in my […]

Storytime: Mum

August 5, 2013

I have often started my bloggings with a song. But I have nothing in mind that would describe the deceit. I was long awake last night, couldn’t sleep, was restless and felt bad and now I feel like I just have to get this out. Even when my memories might be sometimes faint, like shadows. […]

The man called Jeebus who walked in a swimming pool with 1cm water depth

June 1, 2013

Decided to post a little piece of shit. Some pics, music, stuff. My head is overloaded and I feel pretty bad right now. Been restless for weeks, can’t really sleep or rest, heavy allergy and caffeine withdrawal. Today we had the school ending ceremony. Boring as hell, as usual, but afterwards long talks with class […]

I’m tired to fight

March 3, 2013

This a pic I drew sometimes around new year or Xmas. I’m fighting, still, but I’m tired. I can’t talk to anyone. If I talk to my therapist I get reported to police, I got no friends, no-one cares and I don’t care about them either. It’s so cold here, and inside of me. Hard […]

If you give up, you have already lost

February 25, 2013

Feels like implosion of the heart. Such a weight on me, pushing the insides into a tight small square, too small for me. I’m big. Not my outside. My outside is miserable, just raw mass without a form. My mind needs lots of space to roam free, now it’s held down in a cage, my […]