SD
Every day is a fight

Posts Tagged ‘desparation

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

On my knees

August 3, 2013

Listening to this non-stop. For an hour. My head’s a mess. Overencumbered. Not eaten much anything all day. Sad. Stressed. Read some of them homeless stories from this blog. It’s a great blog. I’ve been through alcoholism and I’ve been homeless too. I still have the fear of losing all I have. Right now. I […]

The man called Jeebus who walked in a swimming pool with 1cm water depth

June 1, 2013

Decided to post a little piece of shit. Some pics, music, stuff. My head is overloaded and I feel pretty bad right now. Been restless for weeks, can’t really sleep or rest, heavy allergy and caffeine withdrawal. Today we had the school ending ceremony. Boring as hell, as usual, but afterwards long talks with class […]

Be true. Be you.

April 6, 2013

Gah, can’t remember what slogan that was. Something stupid for sure. This song describes my current state good. Being stuck. Nothing happens. I do nothing to change things. Well I try to do something now. Staying once again awake all night is not part of that, but cleaning is. And gradually changing my eating habits […]

I’m tired to fight

March 3, 2013

This a pic I drew sometimes around new year or Xmas. I’m fighting, still, but I’m tired. I can’t talk to anyone. If I talk to my therapist I get reported to police, I got no friends, no-one cares and I don’t care about them either. It’s so cold here, and inside of me. Hard […]

If you give up, you have already lost

February 25, 2013

Feels like implosion of the heart. Such a weight on me, pushing the insides into a tight small square, too small for me. I’m big. Not my outside. My outside is miserable, just raw mass without a form. My mind needs lots of space to roam free, now it’s held down in a cage, my […]

Hunting

February 11, 2012

Today, I’ve thought a lot about hunting. People. It’s been coming a while and this week’s stress launched an aggressive period. I think and talk insane stuff. I think ONLY insane stuff. About killing. Detailed murders. Torture. I get more and more angry at people who try to “help” me. Who think they know best […]