SD
Every day is a fight

Posts Tagged ‘pain in soul

Empty deserts of tearless nights

March 13, 2017

Awake with the painful memories or trapped into endless nightmares. I can’t fall asleep cause all I can think of is her, lying in the hospital bed, dying. At some point I fall into a chem induced sleep that is no sleep, it’s walking from one terrible scene to another, not finding a way out […]

Today I stare back at you, darkness

February 5, 2017

Just never surrender, that’s it. In November, my closest friend was diagnosed with final stage cancer and she passed away at Christmas Night. Life hasn’t been very lively after that. I’m plagued by serious depression and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I dream about her last days a lot. So it has come to a […]

Your house is your garden.

October 24, 2013

In which you cultivate your feelings and what you give to others and yourself. If you feed your garden with good karma it’ll flourish and bloom and everyone will love to visit you and be your friend. If you feed it with bad karma it’ll suck out your life energy and disturb or scare visitors. […]

Storytime: Airplanes

September 19, 2013

It was cramped, ice cold, smelling bad and struck my ears deaf, but as a child I was never afraid of flying. Most of the early flights were on board of Aeroflot. I hated the smell but enjoyed the view and the bag of games and coloring book with pens all children got. When we […]

Alienation

August 17, 2013

Seed told me last week that my current problems might be caused by me letting myself get out of trouble too easily. I just seek immediate comfort and pleasure that got me hooked on sugar in the first place. Some other post I explained he doesn’t really talk, he just reflects the chaos in my […]

Storytime: Mum

August 5, 2013

I have often started my bloggings with a song. But I have nothing in mind that would describe the deceit. I was long awake last night, couldn’t sleep, was restless and felt bad and now I feel like I just have to get this out. Even when my memories might be sometimes faint, like shadows. […]

On my knees

August 3, 2013

Listening to this non-stop. For an hour. My head’s a mess. Overencumbered. Not eaten much anything all day. Sad. Stressed. Read some of them homeless stories from this blog. It’s a great blog. I’ve been through alcoholism and I’ve been homeless too. I still have the fear of losing all I have. Right now. I […]

The man called Jeebus who walked in a swimming pool with 1cm water depth

June 1, 2013

Decided to post a little piece of shit. Some pics, music, stuff. My head is overloaded and I feel pretty bad right now. Been restless for weeks, can’t really sleep or rest, heavy allergy and caffeine withdrawal. Today we had the school ending ceremony. Boring as hell, as usual, but afterwards long talks with class […]

Rainbow Country

May 11, 2013

Fallout just crashed again a bit less than an hour ago. Yesterday I finally got this weapon, the Xuanlong Assault Rifle, one of the unique weapons in the game. Xuanlong means black dragon. Screw it’s fragility, it’s still one of my favorite weapons along with “Little Moonbeam’s” 10mm SMG, combat shotgun and sniper rifle. Check […]

I’m tired to fight

March 3, 2013

This a pic I drew sometimes around new year or Xmas. I’m fighting, still, but I’m tired. I can’t talk to anyone. If I talk to my therapist I get reported to police, I got no friends, no-one cares and I don’t care about them either. It’s so cold here, and inside of me. Hard […]